So if we find ourself Spiritually Bypassing, what do we do about it?
Staff of disintegration macro full#
It may seem more preferable or tolerable than a defense mechanism of alcoholism, binge eating, or deflecting with sarcasm, but it’s still a defense mechanism that keeps the person using it from feeling the full range of their experience and moving towards psychological integration. The bottom line? Spiritual bypassing is a psychological defense mechanism.
That which we cannot own within ourselves, in our Shadow, we tend to project outwardly, potentially impairing our relationships, and most certainly leading to continued psychological disintegration within our own psyches. On a macro level, this may mean shunning or actively politicking against someone with a more fluid form of gender or sex identity (possibly because you’re unwilling to look at your own sexuality and gender identity and practice acceptance around that). What’s projection? Well, on a micro level, this may mean verbally shaming and blaming a family member who displays irresponsible behavior (possibly because you don’t own and accept that erratic, irresponsible part in yourself). What this may mean is that, when we spiritually bypass or disavow/disallow certain aspects within ourselves, we may also disavow and disallow it in others through the form of projection. In other words, problematically, what we resist persists. “Everyone carries a shadow…and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” Those disowned and disavowed aspects then comprise what Jungian psychotherapists would call The Shadow – the entirety of our unconscious that we are not fully aware of which “holds” the behaviors, memories, and ways of being we do not identify with and we judge as largely “negative.” In doing so we become disintegrated, we become psychologically un-whole. Psychological disintegration is, essentially, when we consciously or unconsciously disown or disavow certain aspects of ourselves – usually the parts of us that are the hardest and most painful to acknowledge and own. Spiritual Bypassing As a Form of Psychological Disintegration and Projection.Īs I mentioned, “Spiritual Bypassing” is a term I learned about informally in my early days in California but then later came to connect to core therapeutic concepts like psychological disintegration, The Shadow, and projection. I also learned why it’s so important we work to heal “spiritual bypassing” and what there is to do about it. In the years since as I went to grad school, trained, and became a licensed psychotherapist, I came to connect the concept of “spiritual bypassing” with several other key therapeutic concepts I learned about: psychological disintegration, the Shadow Self, and projection on others. Like what happened in the Lodge with the yogi and the staff member. She also said that sometimes when folks do this, their “negative feelings” might leak out sideways surprising them and others with their intensity. Talking it over later with a friend, a longer term Esalen staff member, she told me about the term spiritual bypass and described it as a concept where people use spiritual principles or ideas to avoid dealing with their unresolved emotional issues and their strong “negative feelings” and instead sidestep this work through following and espousing “more positive feelings” or concepts. Watching this play out, I was stunned that this person who had signed up for a workshop on existing in love and peace for a whole week then lost their sh*t over lemonade being unavailable to them! Where the heck did all the love and peace go? This group had been at Esalen for the week and the theme of the workshop was something about “existing in love and peace.” I remember being impressed with them because then (and now) I could barely do yoga for one hour let alone a whole week!Īnyways, several members of the workshop came into the Lodge and when one saw that the drink container of lavender lemonade was empty and, when explained by a fellow ES of mine who was working in the lodge with me, that it wouldn’t be refilled until dinner, they angrily exploded and cursed at my friend for not having more available given how much they were paying for the workshop. I was doing just this one late afternoon sometime before dinner and well after lunch with one of my fellow ES’s when a yoga group workshop broke for the afternoon and the participants came into the lodge for a break.
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